Most hilarious performance of Bill Burr about plastic surgery in Los Angeles, during his special “you prople are all the same”
Bill Burr – How Women Argue
This is how women argue, as far as I can tell. If they are right, they argue the point and they stay on point and make sure you stay on point, until you are down on your knees apologizing, begging for forgiveness. Alright, no problem with that, totally respect it But here is the thing, if they are wrong – the go rogue, they go off road
They start thinking sh*t you are sensitive about, maybe you didn’t get along with you dad and in their head they start concocting this evil statement totally designed this desperate hale merry attempt to make you so f_cking made you just call them a c_nt!
That’s what it is. C*nt trumps all this bullsh*t that their did to start the argument. Now its not about that, now its about “there is no reason to call me a c*nt” and that’s it,you are in this room now. My girl knows my big thing, my biggest fear is to be that dude that grows old, alone, that has that basement apartment just screaming at that younger couple upstairs “turn it down that music”, so I noticed that every time she is losing a fight out of nowhere she’d just “that’s why you would just grow old and be alone” and I would lose my sh_t.
Next thing i know I am washing dishes for the ninth f_cking time in a row this is what the argument was about, i was so right, what happened? So if you learn anything from my ignorance tonight just know this, next time you in a battle with the beautiful woman, your wife, girlfriend, whatever and they start out of nowhere, ok,you winning and they start crazy sh*t out of nowhere just know at that moment, you’ve won the fight, okay alright, don’t get mad, bob and wive, slip all of that sh*t “maybe cause you have a little d*ck” let all of that sh*t slide, stay in the pocket of the argument it’s over, the argument is over, you’ve won the fight. Just take a knee and run out the clock, alright yes, lean on the robes let them punch themselves out and in the end you throw their physiology back at them “well maybe we should discuss it later when you come down”. They won’t hook up with you for a couple of day, who cares you rub one out. Rub one out like a man, its champagne of victory.
Bill Burr – Arnold Schwarzenegger
Arnold loves challenges:
I will become super famous lifting wights
I will become an actor! even though nobody understands me BAM!
I think I will merry a Kennedy BAM! He does it.
I will become Governor of a state I can’t pronounce BAM!
Arny was in the zone for 4 decades. Four Decades nothing but net. How many lifetimes would you need to accomplish all that.
Bill Burr Hates Boston Mascots & Campfire Songs
Bill Burr appeared on Conan show to promote You people are all the same. very hilarious interview in 2012.
Here is a short quite from the show.
Conan: Do you watch Democrats or Republican conventions?
Bill: NO! I don’t even watch it. You vote for that guy who says that there is a meteor heading for this planet, because there is no way there is any Corporate money behind that guy.